her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize