im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
only you would photoshop your dick
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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