It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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