her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
