That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do herpes really smell.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
