He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
