Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
