Do you still have your period?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
