where am i from again
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
