Small penises have feelings too.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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