super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
