Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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