were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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