Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize