i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im six kinds of drunk right now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
