When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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