Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
where am i from again
Welp...herpes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
