overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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