All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
