just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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