it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
