marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize