I love black thongs
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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