My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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