He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
