where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
