the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
