you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
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Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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