You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
