I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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