Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dick very happy bro
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
