We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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