Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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