If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
