Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
there's paper in my vomit.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
