the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
