She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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