I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
