I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
