im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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