Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
