he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
