THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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