I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
