Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Your cock deserves a montage
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
