last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
