Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
