just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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