he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
