Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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