I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
