Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
