The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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