If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
