Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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