Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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