we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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