dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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