I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
