I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
