the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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