Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
