I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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