She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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