She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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