oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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