Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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