Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize