Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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