True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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