This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
