no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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