How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
