Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
