Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
