I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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