Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
