fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
