I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
