Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
