walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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