So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
