I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
